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I have been intensively writing lately, a bit like a little teenager that has things to say but doesn't know how to pull them all out. It's strange, as I generally have no issue whatsoever when it comes to say things. But then, there is always something that somehow has that effect on you, that ability to freeze your mind and makes you wonder how to convey that feeling that seems so hard to be explained in words that time. The beauty and tragedy of fascination, that trembling sensation that you are very high up which could very well take you deep down too.

The risk of exposure, yet the disregard of failing as the hope for the success overpowers by far the fear of falling into pieces. Will the experience prevent you from falling down? It won't, but in that case I'll have learnt something new. We are nothing but the result of our mistakes and willingness to carry on. I am scared to fail, it would be stupid not to be so, but still I won't let this forbid me from reaching my peak, which could be what scares me today



Sometimes you have an idea, that slowly has been growing inside of you for many years. But, because of different reasons, you have never fully believed that it was possible to turn it into reality so it becomes sort of a distant dream . 

The time passed, I tried and find ways to improve myself, to explain to others what my hopes for the future were and a friend of a friend recommended me a book: "Don't get a Job...make a job- Gem Barton".

I slowly, not extremely hopeful, started to read it. The book was nothing but a collection of stories of ex graduates from the creative industries who made it by starting their own career by working for themselves. I wasn't reading the book continuously, it was more of a let's read one mini-story every week kind of thing, so it took me more than a year to finish it. Back when I started it, I was trying my best to find a job in the fashion industry, running around like a mad from one interview to another in order to achieve this so called experience that everyone was talking about and find a stable job where someone would have finally noticed my potential. It didn't matter if I had to compromise and accept changes on my projects, being badly criticized for the things I loved the most making. What I (thought I) wanted was a title that I could have put on my CV so that perhaps it would have made me gain some credibility, professionally speaking. The problem though is that no matter how badly I was trying, things weren't stable.

A few months after having lost my last job, although everyone asking what I would have done next and pushing me to apply for other companies' positions, I promised myself that I would have stepped out of the industry and kept my creative career as a hobby, so I would have gone back to enjoy what I was creating. So did I. While I was going through different things in life, I kept on reading that book, and while I was working in a completely different scenario, quietly, something in my head started clicking. There was a nice quote by someone in the book named Ian Harris that opened my eyes: "if what you want to do is already been done by someone or by a company then go work for them, but if you cannot find that then you must create it yourself".

My Bläck-Cirkus came to life after a year and a half of name research, logo sketching, and a great opportunity to exhibit my art that I had to grab. There is still a long way to go, but ultimately, what I believed pushed me towards my past decisions an my current state was the realisation that making do is never a good long term option. As well as hearing about stories of people who dared to change their situation opened my eyes and inspired me. Slowly but drastically.

Thank you Sian.



Life does usually not follow a straight line as you, or other people, would like or expect to. Instead it will most likely look like a scribble or a tree branch, going towards a certain direction but trying multiple different paths, when you zoom in.

It's hard to accept to compromise, and very hard to open your eyes and understanding that it's time for you to change strategy or approach. Mostly though, what I find very hard is trying not to be affected too much by people I care about's opinion. I believe in my ideas and I am grateful of what I have done in life so far, yet some very few people are able, with a snap of a finger, to let me doubting all the very things I feel proud of. Does loving and esteeming someone should make you reconsider who you are and all your reasons to do what you are doing? I value very much the fact that I am open to external stimuli, and the fact that I am able to take into account other people's suggestions but not to the point of this causing me blackouts, as this shouldn't be let happen. Life is hard, because apart from you trying to figure out your own way to go, there will be people around you trying to desist you from doing what you think it is the best for you to be done. But it's tricky to understand whether their advice comes from love or fear. I ultimately still think that the person who has the best view on your life is just yourself.

Love yourselves dearly.


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